Goodbye Children
by Lulubird
Summary: "Out of the four goodbyes I gave my children in only one of them did I know they wouldn't come back." Gloss and Cashmere's mother has said goodbye to her children too many times.


Out of the four goodbyes I gave my children in only one of them did I know they wouldn't come back.

The first was Gloss. He was 17 and arrogant and strong. When he reached the top of his class at the Academy, a full year before the others, he volunteered for the 63rd Games. He gave me that smile of his that was so like his fathers and he allowed me to place my arms around him and give him a light kiss on the cheek.

"Don't worry mother," he said, flicking his too long blonde hair from his eyes. "I'll be back and causing you trouble in no time." And I didn't doubt him. He was the best and I knew he would win. Not even his district partner that year, Roasha, could beat him. He killed her last and I smiled at the screen in pride as he gave her one last little bit of mercy and made it a quick death. I'd raised him well.

The second was my darling Cashmere. My girl and it was harder to say goodbye to her than it had been to Gloss. It was only a year later that I stood in that room and wrapped her in my arms and whispered in her ear to make her parents proud. She smiled nervously at me but I could see self assurance burning in her eyes. She knew she could win. Gloss had trained her as well as he'd trained himself and she would walk out of that Arena as formidable a victor as he had. I gently brushed aside her hair and let her loose golden curls fall through my fingers. "Just you keep your beauty about you in there," I reminded her. She was my pride and joy and I couldn't even contemplate her not coming back.

My children gave me three years break before I had to be standing in that gloomy room of the Justice Building again and looking upon my child with sad eyes. This time it was Pearl's turn. I'd never thought she'd enter these games. She wasn't like her brother and her sister in her bloodthirstiness. Oh, she had excelled at the Academy just as all my children had, but she'd never had the same drive they did. I didn't take into consideration the Reaping. We almost always had a volunteer and so it was unusual for anyone to be forced into the Games. But it seemed that this year was Pearl's unlucky year. Still, she smiled at me with confidence and in that moment she looked exactly as her brother and sister had. I couldn't wish her luck or give her advice because I had been totally unprepared for this moment and I still didn't want to let her go. But eventually she slipped herself from my grasp and at the door, flanked by two Peacekeepers, she gave me another smile. "Don't fret mama. I'm your daughter after all."

She came home. Just as all my other ducklings had she walked out of that Arena alive and my family became known throughout District 1 as the heart of Victor's Village. Three children to walk into that Arena and three children to walk out.

The fourth time I said goodbye to my children was the Second Quarter Quell. I couldn't control myself as I stood in that room I'd never thought I'd see again and had two of my children looking at me with silent acceptance on their faces. I could kiss them both on the cheek and wish them both luck but I knew this time that one of my darlings wasn't going to walk out of that Arena. It was a horrible feeling and so foreign to me. I'd always known my children would come home to me but this time no matter how strong, and skilled, and ferocious they were one of them would have to stay behind. Cashmere said goodbye first. She pressed her lips to my cheek and I could feel fresh tears on her cheeks, or perhaps they were mine. She didn't say anything more as she walked from the room, so tall and strong, and all I could do was watch her go, torn apart by pride and sorrow.

When I turned back to Gloss there was something in his eyes that took me a second to read. It was an apology and I knew in that moment what he planned to do. We didn't need words. I nodded at him and walked up to him for the last time. He was a head taller than me now and looked even more like his father than he had at 17. His hair was still too long. I brushed it from his eyes just as I had 12 years ago but this time I knew it would be for the last time.

Again he allowed me to lean towards him and give him a hug. "I'll get her home Mama," he said simply in my ear. I heard the sadness in his voice but I couldn't tell him not to do it. We both knew that I could only have one of my children returned to me and if he wanted to make that decision I couldn't stop him.

"Your father would be proud of you," I said simply as he pulled away. I didn't cry as I watched him walk from the room, just as tall and strong as his sisters. I had no tears left for the children I had secretly mourned too many times to count.


End file.
